How did I Get Here?

Today was grey, cold and drizzly. There are probably few places in the world where such a day can be absolutely gorgeous, and this is one of them. A bit past peak leaf time, the mountainsides are dappled with color and kinda make your jaw drop open when you look at them. Frost came last week and knocked just about everything down - left dry brown stalks here and there, and gooey green messes everywhere else. And its beautiful. And the grass glows - it hasn't been mowed in a month or more, and isn't even grass to begin with, but an assortment of weeds, but even on an overcast day it glows, what with that October sunlight coming in low and bouncing off it from the sides.
I was down in the swamp the past two weeks, standing over a chainsaw all day. Never been happier in my life. I've ruminated deeply on this swamp thing. Can't for the life of me figure out why I love it so. I've come up with, of course, all kinds of halfbaked theories, all of which make perfect sense and none of which really seem to explain it. Dave and I went back to his place after our swamp work to put the tools away and get a good night's sleep before I headed back here. I got up early the next day and walked to the beach, spent a few hours on the sand, watching the sun come up over the endless string of waves pounding the shore.
I've done little to deserve all of this, I assure you. I'm not particularly bright, not particularly hard-working, and wasn't born with a silver spoon anywhere nearby. I never planned my life so that I'd be able to do things like this - in fact, have done very little planning at all. I've never set a goal, didn't go to college, and have never had an excess of money.
It seems as though paradise should be reserved for those who deserve it. People who come up with new scientific theories or math formulas, people who are captains of industry and own yachts and stuff, people who rescue people from burning buildings or saved their friends in Normandy. People like that.
I'm a poseur. A fraud. I don't deserve this. I just got here 'cause I was looking for a job.
Guess I'll stay.